The first time that I laid my eyes on you, somehow it was natural for me to love you. Like everything that has happened, ends up with me being in love with you. Like you’re the only one person I see. Like you were just meant for me. Like it was only natural for me to write about you and only you. But maybe it was natural for you too; not knowing my existence, as I am just a speck if dust in your world. not knowing that there’s a person out there who loves you, quietly, wishing for you to notice that I exist.
Suddenly, everything just vanished. He’s the only one you see. The way his eyes light up when he saw you walk in. The way he smiles as you take his arm. The way he smells as you hug him. And everything doesn’t seem to bother you anymore, because you only see him and he only sees you.
Behind that door, is something that I never intend to go back to.
It’s where I left the ghost, and my supposed to be future—with you. But I never really left first did I? I waited and waited and waited for you to come back. I spent days, weeks, months just trying to keep myself together, thinking and hoping you’ll be back. And that’s when I knew, I was wasting my time when you really have no intention of going back.
It took a lot of courage just to walk out of the door when all my life all I knew was that I love you and we were supposed to spend the rest of lives together, and now it’s not possible. How could it—when you left?
One day you might realize your mistake of leaving me. One day you might come knocking on that door again, well guess what? You’ll never find me there, because I have no intention of going back.
Every love story that has survived through time has started with once upon a time and ends with a happily ever after. But perhaps, not ours—not mine; It ended with a “you deserve someone better. goodbye.” But how? How did the clock’s gears started turning for us and then decided that it was time to stop?
It never ended the way we hoped it to be. No screaming, no violence, just plainly a sorrowful goodbye. I didn’t even begged you to stay, how could I when we already tried for the second time? But that’s the thing with endings, that’s what we remember because of the pain that lingers. But how about the beginnings?
I can never recall how it all started—when I have started having feelings. That is something that I can never really pinpoint.
Did it start with a bang? Did you have me at hello? Or perhaps by the look? Was it when you sat next to me at one class and said hi?
I know it was not one of those fairy tales where the prince meets the princess in the ball—NO. It was not that magical to remember yet you were someone who had so much impact in my life. And I guess I don’t want to remember too deep. It’ll always be a mystery on how everything began.
I know how this ends – I just forgot how it started, a.f.a.
They say eyes are the window to the soul, but they didn’t tell me how deceitful it could also be, until I stared into yours.
I stared into your eyes seeing the galaxy—on how vast your eyes and mind could wander. I stared at them and see the depth of what your past has mold you into the person that you are today. I stared into your eyes and I see the future I wanna have with you. Have a happy ending, get a big house, have kids and of course, dogs.
But I guess, I didn’t look hard enough. I didn’t know that in your eyes, all it was were mere reflections of what I wanted us to have. My judgement were clouded with my crazy delusions of you wanting the same thing.
I should’ve looked a little longer to see what you really want. That you wanted nothing to do with it; that you just wanted this to be over with.
And it’s over, faster than you could even look at your window.