And I beg to disagree when you said that love shouldn’t be feared because it is.
Love makes you feel something that you haven’t even felt before. It makes you think if feeling it was normal. It makes you think that you are acting crazy. It makes you do stupid stuff. It makes you do crazy things. Things you aren’t even aware of that you would do just to see that person smile.
It’s okay to cry, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It’s okay to bring down your walls, not everyone’s gonna hurt you.
It’s okay to stop the “I don’t care in the world” act, it doesn’t mean you’re vulnerable, it means you’re human.
It’s okay to give yourself a break, you deserve it, after a long time of being stressed.
It’s okay to tell him you love him, it’s better than leaving it unsaid.
I am obsessed in being whole for I am nothing more than shards of broken pieces, trying to fit together, trying to make sense, trying to put back what was broken.
But I guess, I can’t be whole again. Not when I’m thinking like this. Not with this heavy feeling in my chest that bothers me. Not when I’m letting my sadness define me.
Yes, I am sad, perhaps even clinically depressed. I find socializing a little bit tiring and draining. I am stressed with academics and there isn’t someone that I can talk to. I try to act that everything’s fine but I’m really not. I was so close to breaking down the other day. This is why I need to learn to love myself and for that I am obsessed in feeling whole, in loving myself, and finding happiness.
I look at my body and see the scars slowly fading. Each scar represents a painful memory yet a lesson learned.
The one on my knee taught me not to run away; Run from things that made me afraid, that I can’t keep running away forever and I need to take it face on.
The scald taught me not to teach things that are too hot or I’ll get burned. Burnt by something so bright that I can’t possibly know until it was too late.
The bruise on my fists taught me that I should think rationally. I need to stop and breathe and think things over before I could hurt myself.
Yet the most significant one, was the one that you left—the scar that you left in my heart. I realized I shouldn’t have fallen that easy with words and petty lies. I let you in when I said I would never would. But hey, who could blame me? With that hazel eyes and tantalizing smile of yours, I’m sure everyone would fall. But thank you for cutting me the deepest and thank you for telling me I deserve better because a person who couldn’t see that I think they were already the best doesn’t truly deserve me.
It was never easy but I moved on. I am healing and whoever is reading this, I hope you are happy.