And I beg to disagree when you said that love shouldn’t be feared because it is.
Love makes you feel something that you haven’t even felt before. It makes you think if feeling it was normal. It makes you think that you are acting crazy. It makes you do stupid stuff. It makes you do crazy things. Things you aren’t even aware of that you would do just to see that person smile.
It’s okay to cry, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It’s okay to bring down your walls, not everyone’s gonna hurt you.
It’s okay to stop the “I don’t care in the world” act, it doesn’t mean you’re vulnerable, it means you’re human.
It’s okay to give yourself a break, you deserve it, after a long time of being stressed.
It’s okay to tell him you love him, it’s better than leaving it unsaid.
Long have I accepted that the tears that I’ve shed are never going to bring you back.
Long have I accepted that you left me for another because it’s easier that way.
Long have I accepted that even if I try to move the heavens and the earth, you still wouldn’t stay.
Long have I accepted that you are happy with someone else.
Long have I accepted it and moved on.
I am obsessed in being whole for I am nothing more than shards of broken pieces, trying to fit together, trying to make sense, trying to put back what was broken.
But I guess, I can’t be whole again. Not when I’m thinking like this. Not with this heavy feeling in my chest that bothers me. Not when I’m letting my sadness define me.
Yes, I am sad, perhaps even clinically depressed. I find socializing a little bit tiring and draining. I am stressed with academics and there isn’t someone that I can talk to. I try to act that everything’s fine but I’m really not. I was so close to breaking down the other day. This is why I need to learn to love myself and for that I am obsessed in feeling whole, in loving myself, and finding happiness.
I used to walk into the light where everything was pure and as white as snow; where everything was clean and good. I used to know the brightness like it was a part of me. It almost felt like I can’t exist without it. It seemed surreal. But with everything that lightness has given me, I can never call it home.
One day, I was walking in a place unknown where I met darkness. Darkness promised me that I will never be alone for he will always be by my side. Darkness promised me a home where I belong. Darkness promised me the cold dark truth than to feed me with stupid lies. Darkness promised that forever he’ll stay and I decided to hold on to that promise — a promise of reality.