Behind that door, is something that I never intend to go back to.
It’s where I left the ghost, and my supposed to be future—with you. But I never really left first did I? I waited and waited and waited for you to come back. I spent days, weeks, months just trying to keep myself together, thinking and hoping you’ll be back. And that’s when I knew, I was wasting my time when you really have no intention of going back.
It took a lot of courage just to walk out of the door when all my life all I knew was that I love you and we were supposed to spend the rest of lives together, and now it’s not possible. How could it—when you left?
One day you might realize your mistake of leaving me. One day you might come knocking on that door again, well guess what? You’ll never find me there, because I have no intention of going back.
Every love story that has survived through time has started with once upon a time and ends with a happily ever after. But perhaps, not ours—not mine; It ended with a “you deserve someone better. goodbye.” But how? How did the clock’s gears started turning for us and then decided that it was time to stop?
It never ended the way we hoped it to be. No screaming, no violence, just plainly a sorrowful goodbye. I didn’t even begged you to stay, how could I when we already tried for the second time? But that’s the thing with endings, that’s what we remember because of the pain that lingers. But how about the beginnings?
I can never recall how it all started—when I have started having feelings. That is something that I can never really pinpoint.
Did it start with a bang? Did you have me at hello? Or perhaps by the look? Was it when you sat next to me at one class and said hi?
I know it was not one of those fairy tales where the prince meets the princess in the ball—NO. It was not that magical to remember yet you were someone who had so much impact in my life. And I guess I don’t want to remember too deep. It’ll always be a mystery on how everything began.
I know how this ends – I just forgot how it started, a.f.a.
Three months ago. We came to a crossroad. You choose to walk the other way and left me on the other side.
I don’t hate you for walking the other way. And it surely wasn’t you, leaving me alone; because being alone didn’t terrify me. It was actually the fact that you gave up on us when you said you never would—again.
But I thank you because of you, I learned to walk alone. I learned to live with myself. I learn to love myself when I thought no one would. Thank you for walking out of my life before I destroy myself any further for you. And lastly, thank you for teaching me, what I want.