And when you’re alone,
It all starts coming in waves,
On how everything turned out,
How your day went,
Not even remembering what you really did,
Thinking everything was okay,
But at the end of the day,
When you’re all alone,
You keep on hoping that I should have done this, instead of that.
I should have done better.
I am trying so hard. Very hard to be okay.
But I just can’t stop the tears from falling down,
And everything was just unleashed.
And I beg to disagree when you said that love shouldn’t be feared because it is.
Love makes you feel something that you haven’t even felt before. It makes you think if feeling it was normal. It makes you think that you are acting crazy. It makes you do stupid stuff. It makes you do crazy things. Things you aren’t even aware of that you would do just to see that person smile.
Maybe I’m not supposed to feel butterflies. Maybe it’s supposed to make me feel something else. Maybe I’m supposed to feel safe. Maybe I’m supposed to feel loved like the way I’ve loved others. But how could I feel it, when my heart’s gone cold?
I am obsessed in being whole for I am nothing more than shards of broken pieces, trying to fit together, trying to make sense, trying to put back what was broken.
But I guess, I can’t be whole again. Not when I’m thinking like this. Not with this heavy feeling in my chest that bothers me. Not when I’m letting my sadness define me.
Yes, I am sad, perhaps even clinically depressed. I find socializing a little bit tiring and draining. I am stressed with academics and there isn’t someone that I can talk to. I try to act that everything’s fine but I’m really not. I was so close to breaking down the other day. This is why I need to learn to love myself and for that I am obsessed in feeling whole, in loving myself, and finding happiness.
Hi, hi. This is Azarella, the author of the blog. I would just like to extend my gratitude to everyone who’s reading my blog and especially leaving comments, liking my posts and encouraging me to keep on writing. You all made me very happy. And you inspired me to keep on writing.
P.S. I’m working a new project for my blog right now. I hope you’ll like it, once I post it. (Hint: involves poetry and black) 😉
You came along and taught me that I could be somebody and not just a nobody. You taught me that there’s more to life than disappointments, that there are chances, and once in a lifetime opportunities that I should take. You make me feel things that no other human being can—you made me feel loved and I have loved you in return.
But season changes and time flies, as soon as you got what you want from me, you treated me like a piece of garbage. You made me feel like I was at the end of your priority list— that I don’t deserve your time. That I was an option; not just an ordinary option, but an option you aren’t even willing to take.
You wouldn’t even look at me as guilt slowly kills you on the inside. But that didn’t stop you. And just like that, as fast as you came into my life, that’s how fast you left me for another.
Suddenly, everything just vanished. He’s the only one you see. The way his eyes light up when he saw you walk in. The way he smiles as you take his arm. The way he smells as you hug him. And everything doesn’t seem to bother you anymore, because you only see him and he only sees you.