15 Things I learned in 2015:

1.) Things don’t go usually as planned. It maybe for the better or worse but it all depends on how you handle it.

2.) Don’t take anything for granted. No matter how little it is, you’ll eventually realize that when they stop doing it, you’ll miss them.

3.) It’s okay to miss someone. Miss someone and do something about it; not just mope around all day.

4.) Fighting with your mom will probably be the worst fight that you’ll ever had. Say sorry and make up with her soon before things turn awkward.

5.) It’s okay to let some people go. Those people that you think aren’t worth your time anymore. Cutting off ties will surely be hard but you’ll realize that it’s for the better.

6.) Stop comparing yourself to others. You are your own being as much as they are theirs. You are unique in your own way. Self degrading is a no—no.

7.) Walking away isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you just have to sit it down and talk to the other party for you to solve the problems between the two of you.

8.) You always have to start somewhere. It maybe at the bottom but soon you’ll realize, that you’re at the top. But never forget to be humble.

9.) Appreciate the little things. Because once it’s gone it’s may never come back.

10.) It’s okay to leave and never turn back. There are times that you have to know that enough is enough.

11.) It’s not always your fault. Don’t go blaming yourself for every little thing that’s wrong. Sometimes things are just not on your side and sometimes you’ll have bad days but don’t go blaming it on yourself and think that you should have not existed.

12.) Some people are worth taking the risk. It may not be easy; it will be difficult and may not end on how you wanted it to be but be glad that you tried—that you both did.

13.) People come and go. And if they leave you, it’s their loss because they didn’t see on how amazing you are and could be. You just need to find the right person who would.

14.) It’s okay to trust people. I know it’s not easy especially if your trust has been broken before, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and help you if you just gave them a chance.

15.) Self love is important. Don’t go looking yourself in others. You are your own being. Eat. Read. Sleep. Do what you love and love yourself because if you don’t, who would?

And it was the person you turned out to be—the person that you hate; the person you didn’t want to be—a person you are afraid to be. It just sucks when all your life you’ve been trying to avoid being that kind of person but in the end, life has a funny way of twisting things and it makes you the person that you hate the most. And that was when the person that you hate the most was yourself.

You never wanted the things to turn out this way. You never wanted any of this. For you it was nothing more than just a “friendly chat”, but it never was  to the people around you. You think it was alright because you were doing no harm. You think it was alright. You think….. You think selfishly.

You didn’t realize the damage that it could have done—that it did. You didn’t realize that things would turn out to be this complicated. You didn’t realize that you were hurting other people because all you think about was yourself.

But is it bad? Is it bad to finally put yourself first? It was only that one time that you felt selfish—that you decided to take it up on your own. It was just one time. One bad selfish thing. And now? Everyone is looking on how bad you are because of that thing. All the goodness that was inside you—you’ve done for them is now…. just… *poof* vanished. They don’t see that goodness in you anymore. All you are to them is a big disappointment. Nothing more than a failure.

It hurts doesn’t it? Not being able to live it to the expectations that those people around you because that was what you were taught—that was how you were brought up. You were so used to getting everyone’s approval—putting other people’s need before yours. But that decision you made—made you genuinely happy or least you hope that it does. You turned into a person you thought you could never become. You became happy. You are happy. And I’m happy for you.

That’s why you should stop hating yourself. It was never your fault that you are happy—that you being happy is making everyone miserable. At the end of the day, it’s your happiness that matters; that you matter; that when everything goes down, all you have is yourself.

Magic Spell

Inside you, are the feelings you never really cared to share,
—Too afraid to tell,
Never even dared,
Like it was a spell.

A a few seconds to decide,
What to say,
What to do,
How am I supposed to act around you?

Would it change anything?
Thinking on how I might approach you,
To poke or to talk?
To walk slowly, or fast?

Coming closer,
Just a few more,
A poke at your back,
“Hi” is all I mutter.

Scattered Thoughts

Fighting off the sleepiness,
I can’t help but dozing off,
Things to do and things that must be done,
When, oh when?

The darkness started shrouding everything,
Lightness turned to grey,
Swallowing me from within, to stop or to go.
Which way to go

The things that we can and we can’t have,
Still that question lingers,
Forever in my mind,
Oh when will I decide?

Thinking has always been a part of the routine,
They get darker and darker each night,
Someone please save me,
—save me from this misery.

Unbeknownst

Clear or distorted,
Still remains unsupported,
Who I let the world see,
Is it the real me?

A smile—I fake,
But you take,
When will you see,
This is not me.

Barriers brought up,
“One, two, three”; I count as I step up,
The game of fallacy,
It takes up my sanity.

Flying & Falling

Too scared to know,
Too scared to find out,
But I just went with the flow,
But I still doubt.

Took up the courage to try,
And do an amazing thing,
That was when I decided to fly,
And accept on what life has to bring.

I’ve stumbled and fall,
Full of bruises and scars,
To never give up was my call,
And reach for the stars.