And it was the person you turned out to be—the person that you hate; the person you didn’t want to be—a person you are afraid to be. It just sucks when all your life you’ve been trying to avoid being that kind of person but in the end, life has a funny way of twisting things and it makes you the person that you hate the most. And that was when the person that you hate the most was yourself.
You never wanted the things to turn out this way. You never wanted any of this. For you it was nothing more than just a “friendly chat”, but it never was to the people around you. You think it was alright because you were doing no harm. You think it was alright. You think….. You think selfishly.
You didn’t realize the damage that it could have done—that it did. You didn’t realize that things would turn out to be this complicated. You didn’t realize that you were hurting other people because all you think about was yourself.
But is it bad? Is it bad to finally put yourself first? It was only that one time that you felt selfish—that you decided to take it up on your own. It was just one time. One bad selfish thing. And now? Everyone is looking on how bad you are because of that thing. All the goodness that was inside you—you’ve done for them is now…. just… *poof* vanished. They don’t see that goodness in you anymore. All you are to them is a big disappointment. Nothing more than a failure.
It hurts doesn’t it? Not being able to live it to the expectations that those people around you because that was what you were taught—that was how you were brought up. You were so used to getting everyone’s approval—putting other people’s need before yours. But that decision you made—made you genuinely happy or least you hope that it does. You turned into a person you thought you could never become. You became happy. You are happy. And I’m happy for you.
That’s why you should stop hating yourself. It was never your fault that you are happy—that you being happy is making everyone miserable. At the end of the day, it’s your happiness that matters; that you matter; that when everything goes down, all you have is yourself.