Long have I accepted that the tears that I’ve shed are never going to bring you back.
Long have I accepted that you left me for another because it’s easier that way.
Long have I accepted that even if I try to move the heavens and the earth, you still wouldn’t stay.
Long have I accepted that you are happy with someone else.
Long have I accepted it and moved on.
You don’t understand. You can’t and you never will. You don’t know what it feels like to feel all the pain and feel numb next and still be in love with him. And the funny thing is, I thought you would, but you didn’t.
You see, I cannot hate him. I can’t and perhaps, no matter how hard I try, I never will. But isn’t that what makes this world so beautifully cruel? That you can never hate the person that you love the most but you keep on thinking that it would be so much easier of you would. This is a paradox and the most vicious one.
He left and yet came back wanting for us to be friends. I know I shouldn’t accept him after all the times that he has hurt me, but then what could I do? I love him. I can’t leave him broken and miserable.
All I can do is support him and when he’s better; I’ll slowly slip away, pretend that it’s not killing me and gradually forget him, if I can. Someday, these feelings will be gone. And I’ll tell you how tragically beautiful it would be to stop hurting and accept the life I have now. And when that time comes, I hope you understand.
Years from now, maybe I will still think about him of what had and could have been but then I will feel no regret that we tried. I will feel no remorse but only acceptance. That it’s better to leave things like this than continue dragging him down. And when the time comes perhaps he and I will meet again. And when that happens, I hope we’re happy.
“I’m a mess”
“You are my mess”
“An ugly mess”
“My beatiful mess