I am obsessed in being whole for I am nothing more than shards of broken pieces, trying to fit together, trying to make sense, trying to put back what was broken.
But I guess, I can’t be whole again. Not when I’m thinking like this. Not with this heavy feeling in my chest that bothers me. Not when I’m letting my sadness define me.
Yes, I am sad, perhaps even clinically depressed. I find socializing a little bit tiring and draining. I am stressed with academics and there isn’t someone that I can talk to. I try to act that everything’s fine but I’m really not. I was so close to breaking down the other day. This is why I need to learn to love myself and for that I am obsessed in feeling whole, in loving myself, and finding happiness.
I used to walk into the light where everything was pure and as white as snow; where everything was clean and good. I used to know the brightness like it was a part of me. It almost felt like I can’t exist without it. It seemed surreal. But with everything that lightness has given me, I can never call it home.
One day, I was walking in a place unknown where I met darkness. Darkness promised me that I will never be alone for he will always be by my side. Darkness promised me a home where I belong. Darkness promised me the cold dark truth than to feed me with stupid lies. Darkness promised that forever he’ll stay and I decided to hold on to that promise — a promise of reality.
Hi, hi. This is Azarella, the author of the blog. I would just like to extend my gratitude to everyone who’s reading my blog and especially leaving comments, liking my posts and encouraging me to keep on writing. You all made me very happy. And you inspired me to keep on writing.
P.S. I’m working a new project for my blog right now. I hope you’ll like it, once I post it. (Hint: involves poetry and black) 😉
I held you close to my heart,
So I know it’s true,
The love I have for you is pure,
But you never seem to notice,
Never even cared,
As we were just destiny’s threads,
Within enough proximity but never intertwined.